salvation

Wow it's been awhile..


So I finished the spring semester and dove right into summer school and so I've been pretty busy lately. I'm taking a physiology class from 1240 to 430-530 (depends on what what we're doing in lab).

Tj & I finally paid for Nathan's marker. You're probably wondering "wow you just paid for it? it's been 5 months since". I know it's been awhile..the first reason was because it took me awhile to complete a layout. It was just really hard for me to have to take the time to design something for my deceased son. Second I initially wanted to partner with a company in Massachussettes but they did a horrible job at getting back to me and so Tj & I decided to just have the marker made at the Oakhill cemetary. I was debating whether or not I wanted to post the layout here but I figured I'd just rather wait it out till it's finally done and then post it.

A few days ago Tj and I drove to the UCSF Children's hospital to meet with Dr.Heather Fullerton (Nathan's neurologist),Angela Shing ( the Aneurysm & Avm Foundation executive director) and Keiko ( a student who will be working on their website). We had a meeting to discuss ways they can improve their website and ideas to make it user-friendly. Being there was a bittersweet. It was unfortunate for us that Nathan is no longer with us but at least we were able to help through the life of Nathan. Please check out & support this foundation to help spread Aneursym & AVM awareness - http://www.taafonline.org/





I was talking to a girl in my physio class who had lost one of her twins while the baby was still in her womb. We both share a type of grief that only mothers will ever know. We both agreed that when you lose a child you don't "get over it"..you just learn to adjust and continue on with your life. For me personally I believe that in the future it will be easier to enjoy life again but I know for a fact that there will always be that pain and that emptiness from losing Nathan..and I will only feel complete the day I get to be with my son again in Heaven.

There was a devotion that I really liked and felt it would be good to share with others because I know we can all relate:

PSALM 42- Disappointment with God can occur whenever our expectations do not coincide with His plan. Even when hope is based on scriptural promise, the Lord may not fulfill it in the way or time we expect. Although God appears inactive, He is moving beneath the surface, preparing us for the future. God is sovereign & good. His ways are higher than ours & in many ways beyond human understanding.

When Tj & I prayed and prayed for Nathan to be healed we expected him to be healed here on Earth with us. Our prayer actually was answered..but in the way God wanted to answer it and that was complete healing and restoration..in heaven. Nathan no longer has to go through surgeries. No longer has to recieve injections just to check his blood levels. He no longer has ti work hard in occupational and physical therapy. He will never have to experience pain,sorrow,grief,dissapointment and anger. All he knew was love and joy and I'm glad that was all he knew. The times I cry are the times I feel selfish and want him here on earth with me..I thank God for my salvation. That assurance that I will one day see Nathan again. I miss you son.