imy

My heart is aching and I just want to hold you so bad. I can't even put into words how much I miss you. I don't know how long it will take for me to ever be truly happy again but for now I feel so incomplete. I would give and do anything to have you back but unfortunately the Lord would rather prefer you be with Him until we meet again. I didn't care about how hard it was to take care of you..just hearing your laugh and enjoying your smiles made EVERYTHING worth it. Whenever Daddy and I would have a bad day just seeing you would make us forget. I was never a morning person but waking up to your coos at 5am 6am 7am or whenever you felt like waking us up was such a blessing. I really wish I didn't have to touch the screen or kiss your framed pictures..I miss your soft cheeks..your little hands..your chubby arms..your little button nose and your cute little feet. I miss you Nathan. Mommy misses you so much.


Wish that I had done just a little more
Wish that I could see you one more time
But I know that God holds your life
Your battle is finally won and God said well done
My faithful servant well done

Our Relationship

Ay ya yi. My Anatomy midterm is today =( I'm just taking a quick break since I have until 4:30 to study.

On a serious note I've been thinking a lot about my walk with God. I had a talk with Tj yesterday and we both agreed that unfortunately school has been our primary focus lately and we haven't been devoting as much time to God as we should. It's true that tough times and trials make us closer to God but I don't only want to be in prayer when I "need" something. How many of you are guilty of that? because I know I am. We pray and pray for the things we hope to happen and finally when things get comfortable it seems as if we don't need God anymore. Imagine being a parent and your child only going to you when they need money..no "Hi Mom/Hi Dad"," I love you" and "how are you doing?". Wouldn't you feel under appreciated? Well that's how we treat God even though we don't realize it. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend or husband/wife don't we all put in a whole lot of effort to keep the relationship strong? Our relationship with God should be number one, then your spouse and then your children. I'm not saying that I'm not guilty of all these things because I am. Sometimes we get so caught up in our daily lives and responsibilities that we brush Him off and pencil him in our book for another day. On my part I will try my very best to be committed to devotions first thing in the morning of everyday. Would you like to join me? Let me know so we can pray for each other.

Happy moments,praise God.

Difficult moments,seek God.

Quite moments,worship God.

Painful moments,trust God.

Every moment,Thank God.

grief?

stress stress stress

Is it weird that I'm no longer as organized as I used to be even with the responsibility of taking care of Nathan and school? My whole world right now is just a mess. I'm trying so hard in school and yet my mind just isn't there. I have zero productivity in my daily life and I just feel like I've been just living my life..just day to day. I'm still having trouble falling asleep and I've also been having trouble even waking up. I'd try to set my alarm clock to 5 different times and it's still hard waking up. I'm always fatigued and I've been having some back pain and head aches for 2 weeks now. We're planning on having a dinner with Tita Rachel sometime this week and so I'm sure it'll help Tj and I some just by hearing about their experience and how they dealt with their grief. I always thought maybe "grief" would mean crying all the time staying in my room all day..but I don't know. I don't know what "stage" of "grief" I'm currently in, all I know is that it's eating me up inside. I can laugh and I can smile..but deep inside I'm just not the same. Lord help me.

Sleeping probems

Wow..Nathan's fundraiser only started yesterday afternoon and we are now at $400. That is amazing!!! Thank you to everyone who has donated so far! May the Lord bless your hearts for your kindness.

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Anyway..things haven't been so easy for me lately. Just having to focus on things these days have been a little difficult. I've also been having trouble sleeping =( I would probably sleep around 3-4 in the morning..horrible I know. It's just that "trying to fall asleep" is hard for me because I would just lay there and think. Lately I've just been staying up so late till I would get to the point where my body would just want to give up and sleep. I've been thinking about consulting a doctor with my sleeping problems but I don't know..we'll see.


P.s Thank you to "anonymous" for taking the time to write such a sweet message. Your words of encouragement made my day a little easier. Thank you.

In Loving Memory of Nathan James-AVM Fundraiser

Dear Family & Friends,

We are walking to raise awareness about brain aneurysm and arteriovenous malformation (AVM) on May 3rd,2009.

It is estimated that 3-5 million people in the United States alone have a brain aneurysm, and
200-500 have a brain AVM.

I am writing to ask for your help in meeting my personal fundraising goal of $1,000.
Your contribution will go to supporting the work of The Aneurysm and AVM Foundation (TAAF).
TAAF is an all-volunteer 501c3 non-profit organization dedicated to bettering the lives, support
networks, and medical care of those affected by brain aneurysm and AVM.

An aneurysm is a weak area in a blood vessel that enlarges like a balloon. As it grows, the
blood vessel becomes weaker and is at risk for leaking or rupturing, which can cause death,
brain damage or lifelong disability.
An AVM is a tangle of blood vessels in the brain that bypasses normal brain tissue capillaries
and directly diverts blood from the arteries to the veins resulting in devastating hemorrhages,
headaches, and seizures.

Very often brain aneurysms and AVMs are “silent” and go undetected until it is too late.
Today I am asking you for your support in raising public awareness, and supporting research
grants to better the detection, treatment, and eventually a cure for brain aneurysms and AVMs.

You will receive email confirmation of your donation and I will be notified as soon as you make your donation. I thank you in advance for your support, and really appreciate your generosity!!

http://www.active.com/donate/TAAFwalk/nathanandaya

Please forward this email to as many people as you can to encourage them to donate as well!


Sincerely,
Tj&Jaimee Andaya


nathan's website- www.nathanj125.com
nathan's fundraising page-http://www.active.com/donate/TAAFwalk/nathanandaya



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Are you interested in joining the TAAF's 4th Annual Aneurysm and AVM Awareness Walk?
Register here: http://www.active.com/framed/event_detail.cfm?CHECKSSO=0&EVENT_ID=1696324